2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

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Silly
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2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Silly » Fri Dec 12, 2008 7:54 pm

I wrote this tonight, and it is my Christmas/New Years present to you all. I hope you enjoy, it wasn't meant to offend anyone but maybe just give a laugh or two :) And ew, I wrote it in notepad so the sentences aren't straight. Sorry!

XoXo,
Silly

Everquest Class horoscopes for 2009:

Bards: Jack of all trades, Masters of none...pullers of everything, wait I only asked for one! Your mysterious and pleasant demeanor will manage to keep you out of all sorts of trouble this year. Which is good, because you always somehow manage to find it. What's that you say? It finds you? Well maybe if you weren't singing when I was pulling...again...but anyway, keep that smile on your face because you know everyone loves you, and not just because
it is fun shouting "BARD DOWN!" That's just our inner-pornstar talking.

Beastlords: Oh beastlords. You're an odd sort. Ironically, for a bunch of loners, you'll rarely find yourselves LFG. You favor the bizarre adventerous aspects of life, and while this may keep you banned in some Norrathian
cities, you'll find many gates opening to your kind this year. Especially if you get the Ancient Iksar mask. 2009
will bring you much excitement, and if you're lucky, you may stumble upon another strangely off-the-wall friend,
like a druid, who is eager to share your companionship.

Berzerkers: Try to control your rage for a few minutes here because I have an important announcement to make. Yes, this year, 2009, you will face death and you will die. And later, you'll die again. Then, after all is well, you'll find another clever way to die. Oh sure, you'll take out COUNTLESS numbers of foe WITH you, but you'll most certainly die again. So....now is your time to befriend a good cleric (preferably not in the Spring) who is handy
with the ressurection spell, so that you may rise again, slay again, and fall again because that aggro is just such
a killer!

Clerics: Dear clerics, due to your overprotective nurturing nature, you are a sensitive soul who feels the need to comfort everyone close to you. Although your overabundance of love will distract you at times, this is nothing a fresh rez and a bottle of wine can't cure. Your sinister egotistical side may come out this Spring however, during the time of rebirth, in which you may feel the need to "accidentally" not heal someone, just so you can use your magical
powers of ressurection to bring them back to life.

Druids: Hello my peaceful brothers and sisters. Okay I know you love nature, but this astrology is some serious stuff, so put down that boquet of poppy flowers you're currently sniffing and let's talk! So, 2009, wait, put down the herbs too, there's time for that later. Back to what I was saying...hey are you chewing something? Can you
abstain for just a moment here? Oh you have to pee now? Yeah, 6 beers will do that to you. Well, at least step behind a tree or something...what? No, I wasn't "dissing your tree!! I only meant that is something you should do in private...What, this is you forest? Okay...I'm sorry...well...fine I'll try some of your "herbs" but just a little bit and then we'll talk .... ... ... ... ...Zzzzzzzzz...

Enchanters: Charming, mesmerizing, enchanting, wonderful you. There's rarely a sticky situation you can't solve and you pride yourself on doing it with beauty and grace. When faced with an army of skeletons, you have them eating out of the palm of your hand in seconds. Or eating you entirely. Either way, you manage to do it with a sparkle and glow that no other class possesses. You will be faced with many confrontations and frightening encounters, well, frightening for the ORDINARY soul, you'll manage to keep the party running smoothly. You're everyone's favorite
host and in order to sooth your bruised ego on the rare occasion when things do go wrong, just make sure to whip
up yourself one of those triple tequila sunrises as well. Or turn everyone into frogs. Whatever.

Magicians: You're not slackers, you're just highly efficient! Hey if I could make my pets do the dishes, I most certainly would! 2009 will go very smoothly for you, as always, but be careful this winter as your Call of the Hero may send your teammates skidding off the ice into unknown ravines, ditches, and drogmore accidents. Too
bad you don't have a Call of the 911 spell. But hey, you're masters of task adds and free loot for the guild so
we won't complain...too much...Just summon us a party favor or two and we'll forget all about it.

Monks: 2009 will be an amazing year, and it is a good thing you have great peripheral vision because you'll be viewing most of it from a horizontal position. No, not because you met a hot new barbarian beastlord. Okay maybe somewhat because of that, but anyway...Keep your defensives up and your bags empty because this year will bring you all sorts of riches and treasures that you will make your teammates loot because of your unhealthy obsession with
looking like Mary Kate Olson. Go eat a french fry, you freaks.

Necromancers: Okay you're one class that scares me, so I'll try to be nice. You look just ravishing, that blood dripping off your fangs compliments your manly robes SO well! Everything will be perfect for you this year, you'll be faced with no conflict you can't dissolve in a flurry of detrimental spells, and nobody will question you when
you happen to kill the "good guys" too. Here's my wallet, just let me live. Okay buhbye now. /backs off slowly

Paladins: Most gracious noble sirs and ladies, who could dare give any bad predictions to such a gallant group of beings, so here is your pleasantly edited 2009 horoscope: "A............the.................and...........for.....to......it................................cup of small ale."

Rangers: While the butt of every Everquest joke since the release, you take it all in stride because YOU know how much you rule. 2009 will be your best year yet, mostly because nobody will turn you in for hacking your weaponshield discipline so that you can tank. But seriously, (okay I want you to know hard it is to be serious on the ranger horoscope, its like a kindergartener doing calculus) this will be a fantastic year for you. You'll track down all sorts of new opportunities and you'll slay many evil beasts. Be sure to bring a berzerker along on your adventures if you want to reduce your own personal death count.

Rogues: This horoscope will not be provided until you return my 241 pp. I know you did it. Wipe that smile off your face. You're ticking me off, quit laughing at me....hey, where'd you go? Get back here!!!! Sneaky #*(@!^!!!!!

Shadowknights: Like the paladins, you're half one thing and half another...and we all know you're paladins on the inside, goth vampires on the outside, but you're all macho, so I'll edit your horoscope as well, this time
leaving out any word that makes you think those sappy happy frufru thoughts: "In 2009,......slay......victorious beasts .........that you are...........killed them all................coppery taste of blood oozing from...............the gash where your tooth used to be...............lots of hot half elves beating down your door......big two-hander."

Shamans: Oh wise one, your brilliance astounds me. Or maybe that's because everything around you is just so slow. Keep in mind your talent of making everyone else near you look better than they normally are; it will come in handy when you're overwhelmed by hoards of angry clockworks who don't believe in your mystical forces. And don't forget to feed your dog for crying out loud! You seem to have a new pet everytime I blink my eyes, poor Fluffy!

Warriors: Rawr! You like kill you like eat, we know, we know. I'll try to put this in small words you understand. 2009 equals big BASH. You'll get a big KICK out of it. Give your friends a BELLOW, make some GUT PUNCH and have all the troll and ogre girls showing up at your doorstep in no time flat. Flat! Like dead orcs under your sword!
Just make sure to get a designated driver as you don't want to hit a STONEWALL on the way home. Too complicated
still? Okay c'mere you big lug and give me a hug. /pats on head /gives goblin jerky treat

Wizards: Considering you're the terrorists of Everquest, with a bad habit of blowing up everything in your path, you sure do have a lot of friends! Maybe this is because nuking just comes so natural to you, you have a lot of free time on your hands to study other things. Like the art of making bad puns. You'll find that summer will bring you much happiness, that is if you haven't gone totally insane and blown up the entire world of Norrath by then. Try to befriend a shaman or two who can provide an antidote to help control your temper. Or just evacuate and find another land to settle.
"there is no doubt that you are a geek, you just also are in possession of a life" - Jaffod

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Silly
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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Silly » Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:01 pm

Oops I forgot wizzards! I'll have to think of something later. Brain is out of juice now.

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby SarineeBarbie » Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:30 pm

<Gasps>
No luv for the shaman! In fact, no future for the shaman! *Silly swings the nerf-bat!*

I knew I should have stayed in bed... <logs off and heads back to bed, wondering what class to start playing tomorrow>.

(Lol... just teasing. *Hugs* Silly - you are a trip!)

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Silly » Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:37 pm

:lol: That just popped into my head too so I came to the board to edit my last post and then when I saw you had posted, I was like UHOH Busted! As you can see I wrote this up pretty quickly. Next time I'll have to double check & proof read!!!!!!

Okay, edited to include you two, too... :oops:

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby tauaunt » Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:50 pm

A small cup of ale,, I thought you knew me better than that!! :D
No, I am not a pally, BUT I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!!

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Hord » Sat Dec 13, 2008 8:55 pm

LOL, good stuff hun

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Tsekande » Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:26 am

Well done Silly!

I was laughing with tears in my eyes about that one line for bards: "Jack of all trades, Masters of none...pullers of everything, wait I only asked for one!"

Hehe reminds me when I used to play a bard - until I got too frustrated in the whole song weaving mess (pre-Luclin my main was Hibereas, a wood elf bard who managed somehow to get to 45).
Tsekande Troublepouncer, 76 Vah Shir Beastlord
Henri Sootypaws, 26 Vah Shir Shaman
Dagrun, 24 Drakkin Magician
Nasrin, 17 Drakkin Monk

(Siggy under construction)

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Buaz » Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:21 am

'09 looks good for SKs.
New 2H'er? WOOOT!
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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Cruz » Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:31 am

This horoscope will not be provided until you return my 241 pp


Not...going...to...happen.

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Dcindria » Tue Dec 30, 2008 5:46 pm

I feel cheated :(

*HUGS* Dc
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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Silly » Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:24 pm

Hey at least you got ale! Perfect for a New Years celebration!!! /cheers :D

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Qmaus » Tue Feb 17, 2009 8:54 pm

Silly wrote:Rogues: This horoscope will not be provided until you return my 241 pp. I know you did it. Wipe that smile off your face. You're ticking me off, quit laughing at me....hey, where'd you go? Get back here!!!! Sneaky #*(@!^!!!!!


241! You're pullin' a scam o' yer own, now, lass! I only took six! PRECISELY SIX!(on forty and one-sixth separate occasions).

Hmm..wait, on second thought. Uhh, no I didn't. Nope didn't take nuttin'. Cruz did it. See, he's already copped to it up above!

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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby SarineeBarbie » Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:44 am

Silly wrote:
Shamans: Oh wise one, your brilliance astounds me. Or maybe that's because everything around you is just so slow. Keep in mind your talent of making everyone else near you look better than they normally are; it will come in handy when you're overwhelmed by hoards of angry clockworks who don't believe in your mystical forces. And don't forget to feed your dog for crying out loud! You seem to have a new pet everytime I blink my eyes, poor Fluffy!


Well, Silly has proven her talent. It's only February and she was 'spot on' with this~! Although lately I've been getting poor Dog-Dog through some terrible messes, at the shock and amazement of my group-mates. The shout of "Dog-Dog LIVED!" has been heard a little more frequently of late...

;)
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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Buaz » Wed Feb 18, 2009 9:10 am

Shadowknights: ......big two-hander."


I agree, Silly is firing on all cylinders.
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Re: 2009 EQ Class horoscopes by Silly

Postby Jaffod » Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:41 am

you mean dog-dog is something more than a speedbump now? What have they done to Shammies?