well hello there

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aldimar
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well hello there

Postby aldimar » Wed Nov 02, 2005 5:22 pm

Just decided to drop in and see how everyone is doing... and share some poems i wrote lastnight at like 3am with you all... just to get some feedback...

"US"
As I sit here the Darkness creeps all arond me.
I think of all the good ol' times and how things used to be.
It wasn't ever you or me.
It was always we.
You shed light upon my path so I could see.
I just hope I can do some of the same, as you have done for me.
Forever here for you, I'll be.
Whatever life throws at us, we'll always be just You and Me.
Friends for all of eternity.



"Thoughts"
Now I sit here with some thoughts I dread.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead.
Then thoughts of you run through my head.
I think of this quite often as I lay in bed.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead.
Then thoughts of you run through my head.
It's these thoughts that keep me from doing something I'd dread.



"You and Me"
Notice me, oh won't you please?
I mean how obvious can I be?
Could it all have just been a dream?
You know, one of those you swear is real?
Yet, you don't quite know how to feel.
Confused, I have been for quite some time now.
I wish i could just take a bow.
And exit stage right.
Maybe you turned away in fright.
Because, I was genuinely nice and treated you right.
I even sat at a salon, while you had your hair done.
Believe me, I wouldn't do that for just anyone.
All the times we shared were always fun.
We became close friends and for that I'm blessed.
I only wish you the best.
You said there are better out there.
But if that is so, then where?
You see I am still not convinced.
My heart feels like its been tossed in a blender and minced.
I hope he realizes he is the luckiest guy in the world.
Now I am so confused all my mind does is twirl.
I hope you are happy.
Cause thats all I really want to see.
Even if it means for me to mope around sadly.
Maybe someday there will be another shot for you and me.
Or maybe I will realize you aren't right for me.
But, for now I wait, sad and lonely.



I have been doing alright... really bored with my bestfriend in bootcamp... and another one of my bestfriends is about to leave for bootcamp... but yeah...
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aldimar
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RE: well hello there

Postby aldimar » Wed Nov 02, 2005 11:28 pm

SOMEBODY!!!! please give me feedback... as these are the first poems i have ever written i want to know if i should keep doing it... any feedback is welcome... tell me you loved it tell me you hated it.... i dont care just tell me something... and give me advice... /hugs all
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Nimor
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RE: well hello there

Postby Nimor » Wed Nov 02, 2005 11:44 pm

First things first... Dont ever write poetry for someone else to validate. Write for yourself and allow others to glimpse into your thoughts. That is my personal take on poetry. It should speak about who you are and damn everyone else if they dont like it. I personally enjoyed your first poem, but I am a moron when it comes to poetry. I stick to the more visual then verbal arts. I do however admire the fact that you had the guts to post these here. Keep digging into your subconcious and your feelings. The more you learn about yourself the better your craft will be.

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aldimar
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RE: well hello there

Postby aldimar » Wed Nov 02, 2005 11:51 pm

you know... you have a great insight there... but i really do not care what people think as i will keep doing what i want to do... its just i like to know what other people think even if they hate it it may give me something to do my next work on... before these i didnt think i had any poetic ability i was just bored and got out my handy dandy notebook and mechanical pencil and started writing before i knew it i had these 3 pieces... i usually tend to stay with visual arts as well.. but i thought i would give poetry a chance...
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Terranya
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Postby Terranya » Thu Nov 03, 2005 12:36 am

Thank you Aldinar, I enjoyed them all.

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aldimar
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Postby aldimar » Tue Jan 24, 2006 12:52 am

/bump... lol... but actually thats not all i am doing... i am adding my most recent attempts at poetry....

"Thinking About You"
As I sit here thinking about you,
I wonder, Why I have the feelings I do.
Everything I tell you is True.
The feelings That I feel now, aren't new.
I thought they would be gone by now.
Yet all I can think about is you.
And, I still don't know why I feel as I do.
Sometimes when I think about it,
It makes me blue,
But, Somehow you do as you always do,
And, out of nowhere a smile prevails through.
No matter how blue I may be,
Just the thought of you makes me happy.
I wonder, If I should just let it be,
Or tell you everything, so you can see.
Then you can tell me, how you feel about me.
Maybe, another chance for us, there'll be.
Who knows? I guess we'll see.
Perhaps, eventually, our feelings will be the same,
And maybe we can play this game.
The game of love, that is.
And I still think about this.
About you, and the feelings I have.
When I am with you, Heaven isn't too far away.
Maybe someday, you will feel the same.
Again, Maybe someday we'll see.
As for Now, I think of you, sitting here, Lonely.

"Your Love"
I would do anything,
For your Love.
If I was a heaven-bound King,
I would give my spot, in the kindom above.
I would do everything,
In my power for your love.
I would vacate my throne,
If it meant I wasn't alone.

I would try to prevent any trouble,
And if I failed, I would cause the assailant double.
If there is anything I can do this night,
Let me know; who, what, when, and where to fight.
I don't wish to cause any plight.
If you ever need a light
Shown upon your path,
Let me know, I'll give you all I hath.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone cares,
Sometimes I feel that noone is there,
That if I were to vanish, into thin air,
That noone would even care.

If I sent a signal high into the air,
Something signaling distress, like a flare,
Would anyone try to help, let alone care?
No matter how much strife, you bear,
Atleast you know I care.

Maybe someday we will learn to care,
For eachother, in the way a lover does.
And let our love lift us into the air,
And take to the sky, like a couple of doves.

"Sometimes"
Sometimes I sit here contemplating,
Sometimes this life is too frustrating.
The pressure of everything can be asphixiating.
Some memories I can't help by relocating,
Relocating them, or relocating myself,
Sometimes all I need is a hug from you to help,
But some pains, a hug isn't enough to help.
Some memories I wish I could put on a shelf,
And forget all about them,
I could remember only what I wanted, then.
Here I go again,
Thinking about you as I did then,
I hope he realizes how lucky he is.
To have a great person like you with him.
I realize how lucky I am,
To even have you as a friend.
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