Home exercise "equipment"

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Glauri
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Home exercise "equipment"

Postby Glauri » Fri Dec 27, 2013 9:37 pm

You've all seen those fitness ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape now. The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime.

Inner Thighs: Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be damaged.

Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed - onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and so on.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full length of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into the back of your knees.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3: (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone before it stops ringing.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 4: (alternate) For older dogs, attempt to cross a room without tripping over the dog. Get off your couch without crushing any part of a sleeping elderly dog.

Upper Arms: Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous.

Upper Arms: (alternate) Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock. Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first).

Hand Coordination: Remove foreign object from dog's locked jaw. This exercise is especially popular with puppy owners. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed exercise. Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches.

Calves: After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only for those with strong bones and small dogs. Have you taken your calcium supplement today?

Calves: (alternate) Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty. Dogs of any size can be used for this exercise. Greyhounds are inadvisable.

Neck Muscles: Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed for your ear, mouth, or eyeball. This is a lifelong fitness program. A dog is never too old or too feeble to "kiss" you when you least expect it.
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
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Re: Home exercise "equipment"

Postby Littlabit » Sat Dec 28, 2013 5:30 am

OMG I am already doing like 5 of those with my pugs! and here I didn't know I was exercising at the same time! Now I can give up my 2nd job at Curves :) yehaw!!
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Glauri
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Re: Home exercise "equipment"

Postby Glauri » Sat Dec 28, 2013 9:34 am

I am sure 'Bit that any of the above exercise that you aren't currently practicing will come in time! There is no escape!
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Re: Home exercise "equipment"

Postby Ommina » Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:48 am

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!

Do it again five minutes later, when the same puppy, having learned nothing from the previous encounter, tries to fit through the exactly same space and gets stuck in the exact same place. Cables connected to electronics that it can pull out when it panics and tries to escape add an extra urgency.

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Re: Home exercise "equipment"

Postby Glauri » Sat Dec 28, 2013 11:40 am

My favorite in the same category is coming home to find your dog has managed to wedge herself in that itsy-bitsy tiny space between the back of the built-in refrigerator/freezer and the wall -- you know, that fridge that weighs twice what you do, and is resting on a carpeted floor with a whining dog behind who has no intention whatsoever of even trying to come out of there. After that particular "exercise", I'll fight with cabling and the concomitant power interruptions any day!
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Re: Home exercise "equipment"

Postby Littlabit » Sat Dec 28, 2013 4:58 pm

my little pug (squity) likes to climb on the shelves in the office and then can get herself down so she sits with her nose pressed to wall whinning because she can't turn around to get back down. /rinse and repeat MANY times!!
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"Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly"